I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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