i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
