There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
