Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
