Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
