how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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