i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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