I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
