did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
