Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
