I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
