i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
