Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
