well I can't set my house on fire every night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
