to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize