accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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