My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
