Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
