All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize