I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
