No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
