I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
