his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
