I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
