I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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