I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
