Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
