my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
