I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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