Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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