I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
