Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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