And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
