I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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