ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize