She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
