Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
