Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
