At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
