is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
