i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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