Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The air taste purple.
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