So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it glows. i had to have it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
