im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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