I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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