i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
