He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
