There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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