i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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