No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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