yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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