I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
