Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
