Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
not ubering you a puppy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
