she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
