FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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