I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
