So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
