when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They have beer where we have blood.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
