I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
