we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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