i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
