I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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