would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize