Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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