I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
