In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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