he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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