Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
