Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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