do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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