youre lurking in front of me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
