based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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