party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
