You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
