i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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