I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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