Say something about gay babies.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
