Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize